What looks rude in China but isn't (and what looks fine but is).

You'll be forgiven almost everything

Most visitors arrive braced for an etiquette minefield. It's not like that. People in China are generous with foreigners, and the "rules" in old guidebooks are mostly about formal banquets you may never attend.

But there's a short list of things that look rude and aren't, and things that look fine and are. Learn both lists and you're set.

Looks rude, isn't

Slurping noodles. Completely normal. Nobody minds.

Loud restaurants. Popular local places are noisy: big tables, everyone talking, staff calling across the room. Talk normally and you'll fit right in.

Personal questions. "How old are you?" "Are you married?" "How much do you earn?" That's ordinary small talk, usually friendly curiosity. Answer what you're comfortable with, and deflect the rest with a smile.

Not tipping. There's no tipping in ordinary restaurants, taxis or Didi. Leave cash on the table and someone may run after you with it. (Private guides and drivers hired for tourists sometimes expect a tip. Upscale hotels and restaurants may add a service charge, which means you don't need to.)

Looks fine, isn't

Chopsticks standing upright in rice. It looks like the incense offered to the dead. Lay them across the bowl or on the rest.

Pointing with chopsticks. Or waving them while you talk. Put them down first.

Shoes in someone's home. Many families take shoes off at the door and keep slippers (拖鞋) for guests. If you see a row of shoes, take yours off. Not sure? Ask: "要换鞋吗？" (yào huàn xié ma? "Should I take my shoes off?")

Writing someone's name in red. It's associated with death. Use black or blue.

Gifts

Bringing a small gift to someone's home is a nice touch: something from your country, good tea, good fruit.

Avoid:

• Clocks. "Giving a clock" sounds like seeing someone off to death.
• Umbrellas. The word sounds like "to separate."
• Pears. Same reason: the word sounds like "to part."
• Knives and scissors. They suggest cutting ties.
• A green hat, for a man. It means his partner is cheating on him.
• Anything in fours. Four sounds like "death."
• White or black wrapping, and white flowers. Funeral colors.

Red and gold wrapping is festive. Give and receive with both hands. Many people don't open gifts in front of the giver, so don't be offended if yours goes on a side table.

Getting out of the baijiu

At a banquet you may be offered baijiu (白酒), a strong grain spirit, often 40% to 60% alcohol. You don't have to keep up.

Say early that you can't drink: "我不能喝酒" (wǒ bù néng hē jiǔ, "I can't drink alcohol"). "I'm driving" (我开车了, wǒ kāichē le) is widely accepted. Then raise a cup of tea for the toasts: 以茶代酒 (yǐ chá dài jiǔ), "tea in place of wine," is a normal thing to say. If someone keeps pushing, smile and repeat yourself.

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This is a short excerpt from the Survive in China guide. Chapter 11 covers where to sit at a banquet, how toasts work, red envelopes, conversation topics to let others lead, and what the fight over the bill really means.

Read the full guide →